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How pandemic affected students lives.

The pandemic time was been very hard for almost everyone some suffered less some more some lost their jobs some got affected financially some lost their loved ones everyone was suffering in this time mostly mentally. In this timeframe, I wasn't able to study. My marks went down I started to copy in the exams so that I can at least fool my parents that I was studying. But now when my offline exams are coming near I understood that I fooled myself. I am confused at this time and I think even my brain is confused. Today I will watch a motivational video about how to be productive or how to study or how to be successful and after 5 minutes I will scroll my YouTube suggestions which will show tons of entertaining videos. After some time even those motivational videos and self-help books seem useless because now your patience has ended our self-worth has deteriorated, self-belief will disappear.

I don't know why I am angry with myself it was because I didn't study well or I am living a life which I was expecting. This pandemic ruined everyone's plans no one was expecting a problem like this. The virus was not the main problem rather the lockdown became a problem for everyone. When I was in school I always wished for a long holiday but back then I didn't know how a long break will be, the present situation is not a holiday because even we don't know whether we have to work or chill. When the whole pandemic and lockdown started I studied well I won't say I studied hard but it was enough to study for a normal person. When the pandemic started I used to feel like we are in a zombie apocalypse game where we have to survive from a virus, of course, the situation wasn't serious at that time and no one felt it would be at that time. Almost everyone would have that existential crisis during the lockdown my self-belief had disappeared at the end of 2020. When I was in school I used to run behind marks even a half mark used to be very much important to me, when my boards ended I was very happy satisfied and had self-content not because I was sure I would get good marks or like that I was happy because I gave my best for the exams I left all the pleasures for that one goal. I agree 10th boards don't matter at all afterward but when my results were announced like every other topper even I was not satisfied with my marks and wanted more but still, it was a new and nice experience. But nowadays when exams are conducted online when I copy because I am not prepared I don't feel happy about my marks because they aren't mine, the exam day and the result day seem the same as another normal day.

I know what I want, I even know what I want to do but now that self-confidence is gone. I can't say confidently that this is what I want to do and "I WILL DO IT". Last year when I used to waste time watching a lot of movies, web series, or YouTube videos I used to do it to shift my mind from the negativity going around and I think entertainment helped people a lot in the time of grief. Then, of course, I got addicted to games and shows and for the whole day, I started wasting participation with my earphones in my ear for the sake of online classes everything was going fine I enjoyed a lot of dopamine was getting released. My parents felt I was studying and even I used to say this to them but when they started scolding me because then they understood I really wasn't studying and I simply neglected them because after telling everyone I study every day a lot even my subconscious accepted the fact. I was living a virtual life in that small device you can say my daily routine was eat-have a bad sleep- do some unproductive things and repeat. I think games, entertainment, social media is nice but too much is hazardous I am not against these things because this is going to be the future everything will be on the internet in the next 10 or 20 years and we can't run away from these things rather we have to use it judiciously. You have to decide whether you want to make use of these gadgets or let them use you, you have to decide whether you want to be one of the crores cheering for the star on the stage or be the star himself.

I recently visited my relative's house and stayed there for a week and before going there I had decided I would not use my mobile phone too much and would rather spend time with my cousins because of course in the future I will recollect those memories and not those WhatsApp messages that I typed or the videos I watched. I think in the future the most difficult thing will be living in the real-life, not in the present or past, or future. I see a lot of guys playing games or just scrolling through social media and often think what all things these guys are missing from life. I use my phone too much now because I don't want to realize one truth, one truth that I wasted a whole year and that I am a useless person. I have guilt that I wasn't able to do what my younger self wanted me to do, I didn't become what I wanted to be 2-3 years ago. I want to keep my mind away from realizing this fact that's why I waste my time now. I am 18 now and I don't know how these 18 years passed but I had a lot of experiences some were good some were bad but in the end, I learned a lot from these experiences. I always used to feel why people say time is important than money and I think elder ones know the answer better. I want to live a real-life as much as possible meet new people and I want to see the world closely and visit new places.

So I am giving a promise to myself that I will live a nice and happy life and won't waste a second of my life.

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