Are you the one who is always average in your exams, the one always being in the top 5 no one noticing you? People only communicate with you when they need notes from you. Well, I’m that guy. Genuinely speaking I’m a bit average in my studies maybe sometimes more than average but there’s always room for improvement 😬. You try to give your best but always lack something to end up losing the race. After that the regret of not giving your best not working hard enough or some random reason crawls up your mind to make you feel indecisive about your abilities.
I always have this fear of not being up to the mark or messing up at the moment of truth. I guess this fear and constant anxiety are also responsible for the downfall. This constant fear of someone being better than you is always unusual. During my mid-sems and end-term exams, I would study twice as hard as before to be the best and acquire maximum marks, but there’s always someone or the other acing it. The inferiority complex of not trying hard enough as the one acing it always makes you feel that you’re vulnerable. Most of the time you will be jealous of their ideal small steps that make them valued by their peers.
I always had this notion of being the intelligent kid in the group, sometimes being narcissistic about my profile that I can do great. Pedalling hard enough, and gaining the cadence to hit the target always made me feel that I can achieve. Results always made me feel “ahh could have done much better wasn’t my best shot” 😩.
Recently, I had a presentation lined up and I was trying to prepare from my side with all the stuff that I was gonna talk about. The presentation was simplistic, straight to the point, and natural enough. When I went on the stage I was calm enough to give my best, but the examiner just went through the slides just like a swoosh of air, he didn’t even let me explain the whole stuff. I did not memorize my presentation because I was gonna explain with the pointers on the screen. But, the examiner went off like the speed of sound with the blackout slide post slideshow. I explained whatever I could remember. Knowing that it wasn’t my best presentation he asked me questions which I answered confidently. Thus, it was great dismay for me making me feel that my oratory skills have deteriorated. I was so disappointed that I could barely speak. And, eventually, most of my friends performed better than me. Which made me feel inferior, doubting my skillset 😔.
I think I felt a bit jealous 😠, but hey, that’s how humans are right. I mean I can feel the defeat. The sense of how I could have done better is unusual to understand. I had this feeling of revenge I’d why. I am still trying to process the feelings of regaining my confidence 😣. I think I should rather focus on my situation instead of thinking about how others are doing.
Well, that’s the word of today I wanted to put up with the peeps anyways if you enjoyed this post then please leave a like on it and also you can subscribe to our mailing list below.
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